Here. We. Go.

Grade: A-Zero autopicks, Saliba at 138, Newcastle's actual new No.1 at 162. Docked because the grade assumes two spines heal.

1515 points for. The most in the league. Third place. No trophy. That's a 60-win team going out in the second round, and Teddy has spent an entire summer sitting with the arithmetic. It shows: fifteen picks, fifteen made by a human being, zero autopicks, the draft equivalent of refusing anesthesia. This is a man who has been journaling about a schedule since March.

The problem is the human made choices. Rice at 7 is defensible on last season alone, but he captained England through the World Cup, started every match but the Panama dead rubber, played the whole thing through fitness and illness issues, and scored two minutes and sixteen seconds into a 6-4 third-place playoff in Miami. There is a neural hamstring flag on his file and roughly zero rest behind it. Nobody load-managed this man once. Then Saliba at 138 — genuinely brilliant defender, back gave out thirty minutes into the semi against Spain, "my back is gone" to the bench, ruled out by Arsenal for an extended period. No surgery, small mercy. Around them: four Manchester City midfielders and a prayer.

biggest steal

Hume at 175 — goes ~207th across 2,648 real leagues

biggest blunder

Saliba at 138 — “my back is gone” — an actual quote

The Summer That Never Ended

Real Manhattan drafted Declan Rice at 7 and Saliba at 138 — an England captain who started every knockout match and scored 136 seconds into a 6-4 third-place playoff, and a defender whose back gave out in the semi-final and is now out for an extended period. One roster, both ends of World Cup attrition, zero load management applied.

the betThat a World Cup summer costs nothing— Rice captained England through the tournament on a neural hamstring flag with essentially no rest, and Saliba is out for an extended period after his back went in the semi against Spain. Zero autopicks means every one of those minutes was a choice.

the scout report saliba at 138 and hornicek — newcastle's actual no.1 under jaissle — at 162 is straight robbery, you drafted like you had the answer key. rice, doku, cherki, anderson and caicedo is five nailed-on city/arsenal starters in a format where you only ever have to field one striker, so gonzalo garcia leading the line is a non-issue. this is the 2019 raptors roster: no cute narrative, just dudes who play every minute.

editorial desk Grievance-fueled, points-proven, fully manual. The most PF last season and now with a chip the size of a gameweek.

Grade: A-No passenger weeks anywhere on the roster. The Palmer groin file is the only thing between this and an A.

Fifteen and eighteen with two ties, twelfth, 1328 points for, and a rebrand from Yanited to YANITED — same product, louder font, the most authentically Manchester United decision available to a man who did not have to make one. Two autopicks all night, so this roster is fully, proudly his.

Which brings us to Palmer at 5. Cole Palmer scored ten league goals last season around a groin injury, a second groin injury, and a broken toe he acquired by hitting his foot on something in his own house — nineteen games missed across club and country, and his England World Cup place gone with them. He's fit, he's got Xabi Alonso now, and he's still the fifth pick of a draft on a season that never got going. Then Wissa at 68, a striker Newcastle quietly checked the market on this summer after three goals in twenty-three appearances and who currently sits third in line behind Osula and Woltemade. The saving grace is Emi Martínez at 125, fresh off twelve saves in a World Cup final — the most ever recorded in one — and losing anyway. Akash is going to find that extremely relatable by November.

biggest steal

Ballard at 140 — goes ~135th across 2,648 real leagues

biggest blunder

Wissa at 68 — third in Newcastle's own depth chart

The Twelve-Save Consolation

YANITED took Emiliano Martínez at 125, fresh off twelve saves in a World Cup final — the most ever recorded in one — and losing 1-0 anyway to a 106th-minute Ferran Torres goal. Elite performance, zero reward. Akash's entire fantasy career, rendered as a single image.

the betThat Cole Palmer stays on the pitch— Two groin spells and a broken toe cost him nineteen games and an England World Cup place last season. He's fit now under Xabi Alonso, and Wissa at 68 is a second bet on the same injury profile.

the scout report palmer and the £117m morgan rogers in the same chelsea front three, evanilson and wissa both leading lines, and o'reilly, khusanov, frimpong and ballard all starting full-backs printing defensive contributions every week. there is not a single gameweek where you're forced to field a passenger. only sin is owning emi martinez AND robert sanchez for one slot, which is drafting two centers in a five-out league.

editorial desk Palmer papers over a lot. Not this much.

Grade: B+Highest attacking ceiling in the draft, minus three decoration picks the autopicker left in the cart.

Fifth place, 18-15, 1304 points for, and not one memorable moment in either direction. Nic has run the same quiet operation for two seasons: no reaches worth mocking, no headlines worth writing, no pulse worth checking. Juventus supporters understand the assignment perfectly — finish fourth, feel nothing, call it culture.

The draft is the most on-brand document in the league. Saka at 11 off a summer where he scored twice in England's 6-4 win over France, then Gyökeres at 14 — a man who won the Premier League in his first Arsenal season as their top scorer with fourteen league goals, which is either the value of the round or the exact number that starts a washed debate about a £63m striker. Gakpo at 35 is genuinely good. Then Solanke at 83, valued by the board at 43 projected points, ruins the graph. The last five picks all went to the clock, including Ekitiké at 158, which means the autopicker quietly built the Liverpool striker depth chart Nic never asked for. Boring, correct, faintly dangerous. Third in March and nobody will be able to explain how.

biggest steal

O'Brien at 155 — goes ~168th across 2,648 real leagues

biggest blunder

Solanke at 83 — the board values him like a rumor

The Beige Flag

Not one pick worth screenshotting. Terrifying.

the betThat Gyökeres kicks on in year two— Fourteen league goals made him Arsenal's top scorer in a title-winning season, but it's a modest number for a £63m striker taken 14th overall, and Solanke at 83 (43 projected points) is a real hole underneath him.

the scout report saka, gyokeres, gakpo, neto and daniel munoz is the loudest ceiling in the draft and pickford behind dias, van de ven and o'brien means it isn't a glass cannon. but ekitike isn't kicking a ball until january, solanke's ankle is gone again and rashford came back from barcelona with no shirt to call his own — that's three picks of pure decoration. still top three, still gonna make me sick every sunday.

editorial desk Boring, correct, dangerous. The kind of team that's 3rd in March and you can't explain how.

Grade: B+Haaland plus the entire Forest back three. The 9-25 legacy is officially dead; the bench is officially a lottery.

Nine and twenty-five. 1090 points for. Four roster moves the entire season — passivity so total it stopped being a strategy and became an art installation. Shyam's Your Daddy is retired, and Shmoney turned up to this draft with something the previous entity never had: a pulse.

He also got the best autopick in league history dropped in his lap at pick 2. Erling Haaland spent this summer scoring seven goals in five games, dragging Norway past Brazil 2-1 and into the first World Cup quarter-final in the country's history, with the best goals-per-90 of anyone who scored four or more at the tournament. He's him. He's also played over 61 competitive matches in twelve months, skipped City's Asia tour on mandated rest, and only reported back on 12 August under Enzo Maresca — genuine load management, the real kind. Around him: Wirtz at 23 entering a second Liverpool season with a point to prove, three Nottingham Forest defenders because why not, and Mac Allister at 167, the single biggest steal on the roster. Gvardiol at 26 when the model had him 317th is the one crime on the sheet. Redemption arc, loading.

biggest steal

Mac Allister at 167 — goes ~191th across 2,648 real leagues

biggest blunder

Gvardiol at 26 — a City defender who no longer starts for City

The 61-Game Man

Haaland to Shmoney at pick 2, by robot. Seven World Cup goals, Norway's first-ever quarter-final, over 61 competitive matches in twelve months, and mandated rest that kept him off City's preseason tour until 12 August. He's him — he's also on genuine minutes restriction, which is a sentence nobody wants attached to their first-rounder.

the betThat Haaland's legs survive the season— Seven World Cup goals and Norway's first quarter-final came on top of 61 competitive matches in a year, and City kept him off the preseason tour on mandated rest. Everything else on this roster is depth.

the scout report haaland is a weekly bye and you own murillo, milenkovic AND neco williams, so forest's entire back three is a defcon printing press with your name stamped on it. after wirtz though it's maddison chasing fitness, estevao ninth in line in a 30-man chelsea squad, and nico jackson who might not even be a chelsea player by september. haaland and the boys, and the boys are on a minutes limit.

editorial desk Haaland plus an actual plan. The 9-25 legacy dies this year; the roster is too clean.

Grade: BThirteen of fifteen picks are real starters. No stars, no corpses, no explanations. The aura files remain sealed.

Second place. Twenty-one and thirteen. 1387 points for — seventh-best total in a twelve-team league — and eight transactions across the entire campaign. Eight. The season recap used the phrase "schedule luck" the way a coroner uses "natural causes." Arush maintains it was aura. The engine, which has no feelings and does not attend brunch, notes that a coin landing heads eleven times is not a personality trait.

The draft is the same doctrine: get a good one early, then let vibes handle the rest of the roster construction. Thiago at 8 is a real pick — Brentford's line leader is the closest thing to a certainty in that range. Cunha at 17 is fine. And then it drifts, gently, into Tielemans at 89, De Cuyper at 137, and Rushworth of newly promoted Coventry at 176, a goalkeeper the board values at 24 projected points, which is roughly what you'd get from leaving the slot empty and thinking about him fondly. Three autopicks, no panic, no plan, no waiver activity coming. Last year the schedule carried him. Schedules don't do back-to-backs.

biggest steal

Cash at 152 — goes ~148th across 2,648 real leagues

biggest blunder

Rushworth at 176 — a Coventry keeper valued like an empty slot

The Aura Audit

Eight moves, second place, zero explanations offered. The audit is ongoing.

the betThat the schedule stays friendly— Second place on eight transactions was a fixture list, not a method, and none of it carries over. Thiago at 8 is real; Rushworth of Coventry at 176 for 24 projected points is what the depth actually looks like.

the scout report fifteen picks, thirteen starters, zero men in a tracksuit — thiago, strand larsen after that club-record £48m move, cunha, sarr, ndiaye on everton pens, hall, van hecke, sels. nothing here wins you a week on its own but you will never open the app and see a blank. the 2004 pistons of this draft and i mean that with love.

editorial desk The aura is intact. The schedule luck is not transferable between seasons. Physics eventually wins.

Grade: B-The Mbeumo snipe was premeditated art and the front six hums. The back line is held together with tape and belief.

Eighteen and seventeen, 1414 points for, sixth place: the loudest play-in team in the Irvine Premier League, permanently one good month from relevance and one bad week from a group chat meltdown. 2026 opens with the single most premeditated act of the entire draft.

Semenyo at 6 was already sharp — Manchester City paid Bournemouth £64m for him in January and got six goals and two assists in eleven games while running Arsenal down. Then Mbeumo at 19, three picks before a certain algorithm had him queued, which is not a coincidence, was never a coincidence, and has been entered into the permanent record. First blood, drawn on purpose. The trouble is that everything after round three reads like the adrenaline wore off: Ødegaard at 43 when the board had him 247th, Osula at 78, Branthwaite at 102, and Mamardashvili at 174 — a keeper the model prices at 28 points, which is a rounding error with gloves. Ashaank hit the heat check and then kept shooting until the rim asked him to stop.

biggest steal

Keane at 150 — goes ~140th across 2,648 real leagues

biggest blunder

Ødegaard at 43 — board rank 247, heat-check certified

The Quiet Kill

CHunkyJeet FC taking Mbeumo at 19, three picks before a certain algorithm had him queued. Premeditated, unapologetic, and now permanently on file. Ashaank did not need to do that and did it anyway.

the betThat two great picks outrun ten bad ones— Semenyo and Mbeumo are top-20 assets. Ødegaard at 43 against a 247th board rank and Mamardashvili at 174 at 28 projected points are the sound of a heat check going cold in real time.

the scout report semenyo put up 17 for city after that £65m january move and mbeumo is starting for carrick, so the front end genuinely hums. then it's branthwaite, collins, and a coin flip between andersen (not in fulham's projected XI), araujo (signed august 10) and michael keane. you also rostered alisson AND mamardashvili, meaning one of your picks is professionally holding a towel.

editorial desk The Mbeumo snipe says the instincts are sharp. The rest of the roster says the instincts got tired after round 3.

Grade: A+ / FThe defense gets the A+, the forward room gets the F, and the committee notes this franchise opened last season 0-8 with a loss to a team managed by nobody. The bar is on the floor. The ceiling is classified.

Thirteenth. 12-22-1. An 0-8 start — eight straight losses to open the season, one of them a 21-point defeat to the AVERAGE bot, a team managed by literally nobody — plus roughly 105 points left rotting on the bench. That is not a fantasy season, it's a guy watching his best scorer in a warmup jacket for eight months while losing to an empty chair. So the manager removed himself from the process entirely — thirteen of fifteen picks made by a machine while he was, charitably, elsewhere. Trust the Process, except the process was a 90-second timer and nobody asked it a single follow-up.

It drafted five centre-backs. Gabriel, Virgil, Tarkowski, Mitchell, Thiaw — a back line assembled like it was building a supermax, on the theory that defensive-contribution scoring turns good defenders into midfielders. Fine. Noted once, drily, never again. Because the same engine then went nine rounds without a forward and finally addressed it at pick 129 with Woltemade — one goal in all of 2026, currently playing midfield because Eddie Howe prefers Will Osula — then Beto, then a Gabriel Jesus who's been in a washed debate for two years. Not a strike force. A group project submitted at 11:57pm with one guy's name added in the last five minutes. The board has this team first by a mile, which would land better if the board hadn't also drafted it. Smartest roster in the league or a season-long bit — the bit is funnier. One more thing, for the record. Teddy’s annual review once wrote that this owner’s football knowledge “does not go beyond the names on the back” — and worried that *Ashaank* might develop an AI model to find free agents. Wrong on both counts: that same owner just won the entire Irvine World Cup fantasy league this summer, and then built the model himself. Mr. Noori may finally be picking up ball knowledge. Or he may have simply learned to delegate to something that has it. The committee accepts either.

biggest steal

Thiaw at 112 — goes ~122th across 2,648 real leagues

biggest blunder

the entire forward room — assembled after pick 128, group-project style

The Great Centre-Back Experiment

An algorithm took Gabriel, Virgil, Tarkowski, Mitchell and Thiaw for Hookah Doncic on the theory that defensive-contribution scoring turns defenders into midfielders. Unproven, untested at this volume, and about to be settled in public over 38 gameweeks. Trust the process, they said, in the year the process drafted a supermax and no strikers.

the betThat five centre-backs beat three strikers— The whole roster rides on defensive-contribution scoring paying out at a rate nobody in this league has watched play out over a full season, while the forward line is Woltemade — one goal in 2026, currently behind Will Osula at Newcastle — plus Beto and Gabriel Jesus. The machine graded its own homework and gave itself first place. Nobody is buying that transcript.

the scout report gabriel, van dijk, tarkowski, mitchell and thiaw is the best defensive wall anyone assembled and every midfielder you own is a tackle-and-interception merchant, so the defcon floor is genuinely unfair. the problem is woltemade carries the whole attack because beto is behind thierno barry at everton and gabriel jesus is arsenal's fourth striker in a contract year. all defense no offense is how you lose a game 78-74.

editorial desk An algorithm bet an entire draft on centre-backs and is now asking the league to trust the process. Fourth is what honesty buys until Woltemade scores in a competitive fixture. Hope it pays off. It might not! That's the fun part.

Grade: C+Bruno at 1.1 and three real strikers, sabotaged by drafting two backup keepers for one net. Champion pedigree on cruise control.

Twenty-four and eleven. 1504 points for. Seventy-seven roster moves, which works out to more than two a week, every week, for a man who ostensibly has a job — trade-deadline energy sustained for eight straight months. That is what winning the Irvine Premier League cost last year, and the receipts are public. So it is genuinely wonderful that the title defense opened with the champ not being at his own draft, and the first overall pick of the entire season going to a 90-second timer. Least aura move available.

In fairness, the timer was him. Bruno Fernandes was voted the best player in the Premier League last season — nine goals, twenty-one assists, one of only two men to hit twenty league goal involvements while dragging United back into the Champions League. You could not have done better awake. The trouble is everything after: Igor Jesus and Brobbey back-to-back at 24 and 25 with no plan, Trafford at 144 for reasons known only to God, and Petrović at 169 as the one moment of genuine larceny. Champion pedigree, autopilot start. If the 77-move maniac ever logs back in, this is a contender. If not, thrones rotate.

biggest steal

Petrović at 169 — goes ~146th across 2,648 real leagues

biggest blunder

Trafford at 144 — reasons known only to God

The Sleeping Champion

Let a robot make the first overall pick of his own title defense. Ring merit.

the betThat last year's 77 roster moves show up again— Bruno Fernandes at 1 was made by a timer, and the middle rounds — Igor Jesus and Brobbey back-to-back, Trafford at 144 — need in-season management to fix. The champion's edge was always the waiver wire, and he skipped his own draft.

the scout report bruno went 9 goals and a record 21 assists and you got him 1.1, then stacked actual starting no.9s — barry at everton, igor jesus at forest, brobbey at sunderland. kerkez reunited with iraola is a genuinely smart bet nobody else in the chat would've made. but trafford and petrovic are both first-choice keepers for one slot, and matheus nunes as a real pick is you fumbling in the fourth quarter.

editorial desk Champion pedigree, robot start. If the 77-move maniac wakes up, contender. If not, the throne rotates.

Grade: C-A real Gibbs-White spine and a genuine Palestra steal, boarding the same flight as Watkins's €45m Saudi agreement.

Son Doku is gone. Last season he was the unluckiest good team in the league: 1412 points for, top four in scoring, a 16-18 record, and a gameweek 31 where he put up 50 and lost anyway, which isn't variance, it's targeted harassment. So Jonathan healed the only way a man can — he rebranded as a budget airline.

And then, at pick 13, he took Ollie Watkins. As of this morning: Al Hilal have a formal €45m package in, Villa have rejected three separate approaches including a £38m bid, a fourth is expected, Inzaghi wants him to replace Benzema, and Sky's reporting has personal terms already agreed. The board prices him at 21 projected points and ranks him 513th. Villa's all-time leading Premier League scorer, 108 goals in 278 games, about to be load-managed into a different confederation entirely. The rest is a perfectly sane Arsenal-and-Spurs blend — Gibbs-White at 12 is a good pick, Senesi at 37 is good business, Kelleher at 133 is a steal. Boarding complete. Seat 13A already reclined somewhere over the Gulf.

biggest steal

Kelleher at 133 — goes ~88th across 2,648 real leagues

biggest blunder

Watkins at 13 — personal terms agreed in Riyadh

The Rayanair Baggage Fee

Watkins, 13th overall, ranked 513th by the board at 21 projected points. Al Hilal have a €45m package on the table, Villa have rejected three bids, a fourth is coming, and Sky says personal terms are agreed. Villa's all-time leading Premier League scorer, drafted in round two, load-managed to Riyadh.

the betThat Ollie Watkins is still in England in September— Al Hilal have tabled €45m plus add-ons, Villa have rejected three bids and expect a fourth, Inzaghi wants him to replace Benzema, and personal terms are reportedly agreed. Pick 13 on a board asset ranked 513th.

the scout report gibbs-white, watkins, richarlison and bruno guimaraes is a real spine, and getting palestra at 108 right as alonso settles on 3-4-2-1 wing-backs is a sneaky win. but you drafted the entire arsenal rotation carousel — havertz vs gyokeres, eze vs odegaard, white vs timber — and meslier at 180 is arsenal's third keeper, that pick simply does not exist. maguire genuinely starting at centre-back for united in 2026 is the most washed-or-nah-he's-him thing on this whole board.

editorial desk Boarding completed. Doors closed. Watkins seat 13A is already reclined somewhere over the Gulf.

Grade: CIsak and Šeško is the scariest striker ceiling outside Haaland. It is also six missing picks in a trench coat.

MBOOMO is dead; long live RDunited. Eleventh last year at 16-19 with 1327 points for, and Raed actually showed up this time — fifteen picks, zero autopicks, every decision his own. Which makes pick 4 a matter of personal responsibility.

Alexander Isak went fourth overall. The board has him 216th. That is not a typo and the board is not being cute: Isak broke his leg in December, missed four months, and closed a British-record debut season at Liverpool with fourteen appearances and three goals. He was excellent for Sweden this summer — a goal and two assists in a 5-1 win over Tunisia, his best football since the move — he's fit, and Iraola clearly wants him leading the line in the post-Salah era. If that holds, this is the steal of the draft and Raed gets to be insufferable about it for eight months. If it doesn't, it's a candlelight vigil with a lottery-pick price tag. Then Šeško at 21, a striker who's missed most of pre-season with a shin problem more stubborn than United have admitted. Two tickets, bought at retail.

biggest steal

Dalot at 141 — goes ~130th across 2,648 real leagues

biggest blunder

Pope at 172 — Newcastle handed the gloves to Horníček weeks ago

The Isak Leap

RDunited spent the 4th pick on a striker coming off a broken leg and a fourteen-appearance debut season — who then looked like the best player on the pitch for Sweden this summer and starts every week for Iraola. It's the boldest talent bet in the draft: if the leg holds, it's a heist and Raed is insufferable until May.

the betThat Alexander Isak's body finally cooperates— A broken leg in December cost him four months and held a British-record debut season to fourteen appearances and three goals. Sweden got the good version this summer. Pick 4 says that version is permanent.

the scout report isak and sesko is a real one-two on paper and elanga, dalot and lammens all start, so it isn't a zero. but tzolis is arsenal's ninth attacker, konsa isn't in villa's projected XI, pope just got replaced by hornicek in goal, reece james is being used in central midfield, and jacquet has played 45 minutes of football since february. that's six picks that don't exist — you cannot win a season starting seven guys. (revised upward on appeal — the committee concedes a fit isak under iraola plus šeško is the scariest striker ceiling in the league not named haaland, and wants that on the record.)

editorial desk The Isak candle burns. If he plays 30 games this is a heist; the board gives that the same odds as the vigil working.

Grade: CJoão Pedro at 3 is real. So are four fitness doubts and a keeper the league is still googling. The autopicker's Leno save is doing heavy lifting.

Big Micha became Big Michail: one extra letter, identical middle-table energy, 16-18 and 1352 points for. Hugh drafts like a man who reads the first half of every article. The top of this board is genuinely excellent and then it falls off a cliff visible from space.

João Pedro third overall is a real swing, and Calvert-Lewin at 22 and Foden at 27 are the kind of picks that win you a Tuesday. Tavernier at 51 is outright theft — the board had him 25th, a mid-major nobody scouted. Then the back half arrives: Chris Wood at 94, whom the model rates 401st; Livramento at 99 at 388th; and, gloriously, Kinský at pick 147, a goalkeeper sitting 554th on a board of 600-odd players at fifteen projected points, which is less than most managers' benches produce by accident. He fixed it two rounds later by autopicking Leno at 171, one of the best value picks of the night. The machine bailed him out. He will never bring it up again.

biggest steal

Leno at 171 — goes ~147th across 2,648 real leagues

biggest blunder

Kinský at 147 — 554th on a 600-man board

The 554th Man

Big Michail used pick 147 on Antonín Kinský, a goalkeeper sitting 554th on the board at fifteen projected points. Two rounds later the autopicker handed him Leno at 171. The machine bailed him out and he will take that to the grave.

the betThat the top three carry the bottom twelve— João Pedro, Calvert-Lewin and Foden are real. Wood at 94 (401st), Livramento at 99 (388th) and Kinský at 147 (554th) are a bench that actively subtracts points.

the scout report joao pedro scored 20 in his debut chelsea season and colwill, aina and vuskovic do honest defensive work, that's a real spine. then you read the medical report: kudus, porro and van de ven all fitness doubts for gameweek 1, livramento post-surgery, and chris wood is 34 and queued behind igor jesus. foden isn't even guaranteed to start for maresca anymore, a sentence i genuinely never thought i'd type.

editorial desk João Pedro deserved better than this supporting cast, and Kinský remains a rumor with gloves.

Grade: B-One machine ranks this squad 2nd, another ranks it 12th, and the manager has yet to log in. Grading the average and praying.

Sixteen wins, seventeen losses, two ties, 1238 points for — the most statistically beige season anyone has ever produced. Ahmed's response was to skip the draft entirely. Fifteen picks. Fifteen autopicks. Fifteen-for-fifteen from the field, no dribbles, no shot fake, and the default engine then built the second-best projected squad in the room while its manager was, presumably, doing literally anything else.

And it's not luck, which is the insulting part. Szoboszlai at 10, then Guéhi at 15 — a centre-back Manchester City pulled out of Crystal Palace for £20m in January who immediately fixed a defense that had lost Gvardiol and Dias in the same afternoon. Then Lacroix at 58, the man who physically replaced Saliba thirty minutes into a World Cup semi-final, which is the kind of minutes signal you'd have to actually watch football to notice. The forward room is a car crash — Nmecha and Delap at 154 and 159, a combined 100 projected points, undrafted-free-agent energy — but the rest of it is clean. He is the league's control group. The control group is cooking.

biggest steal

Aaronson at 135

biggest blunder

Delap at 159 — the robot's one hallucination

The Full Auto Award

A (Ahmed). Fifteen picks, fifteen autopicks, zero minutes of attendance, second-best projected squad in the league. Fifteen-for-fifteen from the field without leaving the tunnel. The default engine found Guéhi at 15 and Lacroix at 58 — the man who literally came on for Saliba in a World Cup semi-final — while its manager was doing something else entirely.

the betThat he never logs in— The autopicker built a top-two projected squad and the only glaring flaw is a forward room of Nmecha, Delap and Rodríguez. The risk isn't the roster — it's Ahmed developing opinions in October.

the scout report guehi, timber, lacroix, mukiele and truffert in front of raya is the best defensive corps in the league and xhaka and zubimendi will chip in defcon all year, so the floor is real. but you must field a forward every single week and yours are delap (strongly linked with a september exit), nmecha and bournemouth's rodriguez. then you took donnarumma too, so two of the league's best keepers are fighting over one roster slot — that's giannis without shooters, except there's no giannis.

editorial desk Zero decisions, zero mistakes. The default engine built a balanced squad and Ahmed will win weeks without knowing his own lineup.